Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would punch a child for taco bell
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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