i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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