I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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