I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize