ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have demons in me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
