This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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