Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
