Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
