yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
