did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
