I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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