I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
