you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
