Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
