Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize