I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
