Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
