Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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