dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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