I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
