any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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