my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
