They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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