wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
