I need to stop coming to work sober
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
