just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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