I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
