yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
