4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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