there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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