I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
