Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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