Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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