did you get engaged???
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
