So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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