I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
