I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
