I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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