Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
