This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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