Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize