So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
