i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
