So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize