Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
