HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
