Where are you?
In a non slutty way
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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