Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
