apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
