My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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