i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
