fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
