If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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