i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
