I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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