Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
