Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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