i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize